I grew up having a very low self-esteem.  I never felt loved...especially from my Dad.  He was always very strict with me and I could never please him...I could never do anything right.  To a certain degree, that's how I felt about God...that I could never do enough to please Him.  I always wanted a relationship with God. 

I can remember my Mom and Dad reading me the Bible as a small child, and I loved it.  I went to parochial school and they taught me religion, but they never really taught me anything about a personal relationship with Jesus; they taught us about Him, but I didn't know that I needed to really KNOW HIM!  I took the sacraments and prayed all of my life (when I wasn't angry with God). 

As a child, I thought the only way I would ever make Heaven was to be a martyr for the Church, or to become a priest.  When I reached puberty, I realized that the priest idea was out!  I guess I was psychologically set up to have a compulsive nature, which eventually led to my addictions.

I was a workaholic.  I owned my own business and had a 6-figure income, but I still wasn't happy.  I had an adrenaline addiction, where I would jump out of airplanes for excitement.  When I was down I would drink to excess, as well as smoke marijuana. 

However, none of those were my core addictions.  My core addiction was sexual, which led me to the depths of depression.  The severe depression led to hospitalization where I received shock treatments.  I met a psychologist who also had a sexual addiction, and there I found that I was not alone!  There were others out there -- just like me, from all walks of life: pastors, doctors, attorneys, etc.  Even though I stopped acting out my sexual addiction 20-25 years ago, there was still a void in me that left shame and depression, and made me (at times) want to take my own life.

I met a Christian psychologist who recommended that I go to the Addicts Victorious Support Group Meetings, and there I found the missing link: I did not have a personal relationship with Jesus.  After some time at the Addicts Victorious Support Group Meetings, I decided that I wanted to go to the Addicts Victorious 5-Day Biblical Counseling Program, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  It gave me certain Scriptures that I could read which reinforced in me that I needed to have a personal relationship with God. 

For the first time in 20 to 25 years, I'm not taking anti-depressants, and I was told some time ago, that they couldn't tell if it was organic or inorganic (psychological, or not enough serotonin in my body to keep my brain on an even keel), and that I would have to take antidepressants the rest of my life.

Through the Lord, my life is totally turned around, and I have gotten to know my Dad again in my life, and to know the caring, loving man that he is. I’ve also been able to find steady work, and some day (God willing), I will find that one special person in my life, and with God's blessing, marry again. 

I highly recommend to all who are struggling with any type of addiction to go to the 5-Day Biblical Counseling Program and to find a weekly Addicts Victorious Support Group Meeting that they can attend.  Their (AV’s) 10-Step Program provided the missing link for me (which was Jesus).  Without God, nothing works; with God, everything works.  For those that are analytical, it's a simple formula:  If God is IN you, anything can happen!

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